the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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