I need to stop coming to work sober
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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