please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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