That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
