A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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