am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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