Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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