I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
