So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
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