Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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