apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Come share oat with me in your robe
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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