dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
