we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Ladies don't puke and tell
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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