i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
