I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
