I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
We have so much sex to catch up on
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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