Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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