the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
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just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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