Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize