I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
