My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
