You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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