What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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