Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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