96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I am one with the molecules
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
