Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
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This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
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I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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