took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
