Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those đ
He sang the chorus to âInside of youâ by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldnât even be mad, that probably took talent
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
