If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
