Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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