I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Randomize
