we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
