can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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