At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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