I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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