That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
