Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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