the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
