The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
