Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
