I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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