I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
