new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
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Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
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First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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