Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
