My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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