I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
