coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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