don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
