funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
