Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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