I want to walk on stilts...naked
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
