omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
