so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
