you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
