"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
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