I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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