i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
