All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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