im drinking this country out of the recession.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
