Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
