she was so not down for the gang bang
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
