The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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