did you get engaged???
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Randomize
