Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
