I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
