I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
This house was built for laser tag.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
