How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
